People Hearing Without Listening…

Some of you may remember this line from the “Sound of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel.  Unfortunately, too often it rings true. When we should be silent and listen, we just can’t.

I’m not sure about you, but truly listening is hard!  When another speaks, I have interference from whatever is going on in the background (like traffic, TV, or others’ conversations in the room), or if not outside of me, it is what is going on inside my head.  How often am I truly listening, focusing 100% on what the person is saying?  Not often, if I am honest, not often.

If we really want to “hear” someone, how can we make that happen? Here are a few suggestions:

·         Turn off any interference.

That could mean seeking a private place, pulling over if you are driving, turning off the TV.  Make their voice the thing you can concentrate on.

·         Look at the person speaking. 

Of course, you must be present with the person for this.  But the key is not allowing your eyes to be distracted by any other thing in the area, or anything passing by the window or doorway.  Focus on one of their eyes. 

·         Stop preparing a response in your head and instead, take in what they are saying.

I know I’m not alone in this!  We are trying to prepare our response to their statements more than really focusing on what they are saying.  Instead, just listen.  The next item will help you do this.

·         Repeat back to them what you have heard. 

This will help you focus if you know you are going to repeat back what you heard.  It may amaze you to find that what you heard could be different then what they intended to say. The speaker will feel that you are paying attention, and, they will have the chance to clarify their message.

In addition to these tips, if you nod in acknowledgment occasionally, they feel they are being heard.  And, if you ask clarifying questions, they feel not just heard, but that you are truly interested in what they have to say.

My instinct would tell me we would all be natural listeners, but I find that not so. Not for me, anyway.  It takes practice and focus. But, when it happens, I find that this is the real therapy the speaker needs.  I don’t need to fix anything or give my opinion.  They just want to know that someone really “heard” them.

So go listen!  You just might make someone’s day.

James 1:19  “ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this:  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”

If you would like someone who really listens, maybe asks some thought-provoking questions, who wants nothing more than to help you find the answers to marital or other relational issues, give us a shout.  We are Ken and Linda… www.LKR ChristianLifeCoaching.com.  ken@lkrchristianlifecoaching.com.